When I, good friends, was call'd to the bar,
I'd an appetite fresh and hearty,
But I was, as many young barristers are,
An impecunious party.
I'd a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue -
A brief which I bought of a booby -
A couple of shirts and a collar or two,
And a ring that looked like a ruby!

In Westminster Hall I danced a dance,
Like a semi-despondant fury,
For I thought I never should hit on a chance
Of addressing a British Jury -
But I soon got tired of third class journeys,
And dinners of bread and water;
So I fell in love with a rich attorney's
Elderly, ugly daughter.

The rich attorney was good as his word:
The briefs came trooping gaily,
And ev'ry day my voice was heard
At the Sessions or Ancient Bailey.
All thieves who could my fees afford
Relied on my orations,
And many a burglar I've restored
To his friends and his relations.

At length I became as rich as the Gurneys -
An incubus then I thought her,
So I threw over that rich attorney's
Elderly, ugly daughter.
The rich attorney my character high
Tried vainly to disparage;
And now, if you please, I'm ready to try
This Breach of Promise of Marriage!

For now I'm a Judge!
Yes, now I'm a Judge!
Though all my law be fudge,
Yet I'll never, never budge,
But I'll live and die a Judge!
It was managed by a job -
It was managed by a job!
It is patent to the mob,
That my being made a nob
Was effected by a job.

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Revised January 2009
Please credit Lyric Opera San Diego when using this material.